Miguel Cabrera's Weekend Was Worse Than Yours

[Beef]

Perhaps it has something to do with all the tail he bangs at home. I will not, however, assume that the tail is hot.

[Party]

Not a fan of the best player on my team getting plastered and going 0-11 in the most important series of the year.

That and his wife issues.

[Beef]

Our players do it

[Party]

Sure. I still don't like it if it affects your performance on the field.

[Fritz]

I don't understand why young professional athletes get married.

Also, lol @ Miggy making fun of some dude's weight at a bar. I mean seriously.

[Ice]

I would let Miggy hit me. I mean, it'd hurt and maybe i'd be hospitalized. But I'd totally be rich after.

Step one: Allow multi-million-dollar sports figure hit me

Step two:

Step three: Profit

[MiamiHomer]

Don't forget witnesses!

[Bingebag]

I would sue Miguel Caberra, and then use the money I get from the lawsuit to follow the team around and heckle him incessantly.