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So here's what we got.
Uber Ace Josh Johnson on the mound.
But more importantly, we have disposed of the demon that is Chris Volstad.
The Marlins are 39-44 when Chris Volstad is wearing a Marlins jersey this season. The Marlins are 4-13 when he starts. The Marlins are 4-8 when Chris Volstad gets a decision. Chris Coghlan is hitting just .277 when Volstad is not in the minors. Hanley Ramirez has an OPS of "just" .870 when Volstad is not in the minors. John Baker gets hurt when Chris Volstad is not in the minors. Brett Carroll doesn't even get to be on the team when Volstad is not in the minors. Fredi Gonzalez gets fired when Volstad is up with the team. Josh Willingham didn't even make the All Star Team because he once shook hands with Chris Volstad.
IT IS A NEW ERA FOR THE MARLINS. IT BEGINS TONIGHT. GET ON THE BANDWAGON, FUCKERS.
Uber Ace Josh Johnson on the mound.
But more importantly, we have disposed of the demon that is Chris Volstad.
The Marlins are 39-44 when Chris Volstad is wearing a Marlins jersey this season. The Marlins are 4-13 when he starts. The Marlins are 4-8 when Chris Volstad gets a decision. Chris Coghlan is hitting just .277 when Volstad is not in the minors. Hanley Ramirez has an OPS of "just" .870 when Volstad is not in the minors. John Baker gets hurt when Chris Volstad is not in the minors. Brett Carroll doesn't even get to be on the team when Volstad is not in the minors. Fredi Gonzalez gets fired when Volstad is up with the team. Josh Willingham didn't even make the All Star Team because he once shook hands with Chris Volstad.
IT IS A NEW ERA FOR THE MARLINS. IT BEGINS TONIGHT. GET ON THE BANDWAGON, FUCKERS.
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